My Addiction

It comes down to this, to that step that you take knowing that it’s a bad idea but still take it because, whatever, who cares anyways.

Been thinking alot recently about impulses and desires. How is it that in most times what we desire in life and our actions don’t really rhyme?

I am an addict, i’m addicted to smoking. Doesn’t seem like much yeah? I haven’t had a cigarette in 2months but I know that if I dare take one, I’ll be back to square one.

I remember when everyday I would wake up and my first thought was to get a cigarette and I’d get out, smoke and hate the after effects, the smell on my clothes, the smokers cough and I’d tell myself, not again, that’s my last ever cigarette, but I’d still smoke.

I used to think that getting out was hard, but it’s not just that, it’s the staying out that’s hard. I never knew this but apparently

40 – 60% of addicts relapse

Well that’s rough, working so hard to get out only to get ourselves back in it again. I have a friend, we started out smoking roughly the same time in a but he quit and to be honest I was really inspired that he could quit. He stayed off for 2 years then one day told me, “I got back to it” I didn’t get it, you we’re out already, past the “this is my last ever cigarette” stage as you reach for another, past the headaches and anger management issues during withdrawal (this stage really sucks) and then you get back to it?

I just couldn’t understand it till I understood addiction. It could be to anything, pills, dust, smoke, drink it’s all the same. If you can’t stay a month without taking it, you’re addicted to it and the sooner you admit it, the better. Addiction is a disease that needs to be treated and the number one medicine for it is your mind. Getting your mind right. Knowing that it’s a problem, it’s going to be a struggle, when you need help and resisting it.

I still wake up everyday hankering for a smoke, find myself holding a pen as I would a cigarette but I’m grateful that I’m not back to it. It only takes one step to go down a dark road. It’s an active struggle, I usually say that I’m taking it one day at a time, but in some days, it’s a minute at a time, an hour at a time, occupying myself to keep myself away from it.

Staying away is not just for my own good, it’s also for those who look up to me and for my family.

Do you have an addiction that you are seeking help to overcome? There are people who understand what you’re going through and are willing to help you out. There are great facilities available for you. Two of them are

CITAM ministries have a great counselling service check out their website at

Amani Counselling Center also has an amazing team of counsellors who are willing to walk with you in your journey. Check out their website


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